Week 12 : Feedback

Feedback from Sam Teacher :

Your introduction should flow more naturally into your thesis. You start with many questions and uncertainties, then make a strong conclusion in your thesis statement. Your introduction should prepare the reader to hear your thesis.

Good narration - I like the background on lie detectors. It would be really interesting if you talked a bit about some of the phonies who claimed they could detect criminals through things like palm-reading or hand-writing. Just an idea.

GREAT confirmation - A lot of detailed research and thorough explanation.

Your refutations can be improved. You chose good counterarguments to your position, but you don't tell us why those counterarguments are wrong. Can you calculate how much repeat offending criminals cost? I assume Korea spends a lot more than 2,000,000$ on them.


So, I should modify my introduction and refutation first because they are weaker than other parts. Then, I want to put some more information to narration(As Sam Teacher said, it will be interesting if I put some of the phonies).  Also, I want to do some more research and strengthen my arguments if I can.